This goes out to...

All the women out there in relationships who do too much.

All the women who go beyond the call of duty, and overwhelm themselves with more and more in order to make their boyfriend happy. I have a theory as to why we do this and I think it all boils down to insecurity. If we were happy with ourselves and secure with our relationships then we wouldn't feel the need to go above and far beyond what is nice, necessary and okay.

To me, it is almost refreshing to learn new things about myself once in a while (good or bad) because it makes me feel like a more confident person when I can make sense of my behavior because I know myself; doesn't make me feel so lost. I'm learning I do too much to compensate for qualities I wish I possessed.

Here is a list of all the things I got for my boyfriend's 22nd birthday:
An outfit from Abercrombie & Fitch
Cologne from Abercrombie & Fitch
Wii remote/games
Canolis from Buca di Beppo
Tickets to the All Star minor league game (Kane County Cougars, etc...was going to get Sox tickets but that fell through)
Dinner at The Melting Pot
Lunch at Panera on his birthday because I felt bad for making him pay.
Dinner at Chili's the day of his birthday with all his friends.

ALL ADDING UP TO $340 Was all of that really necessary? In my mind it was at the time. Now I look at this list and I think wtf? Is this normal? Am I that insecure and pathetic that I think I need to prove my love and devotion by getting him these fabulous things?
Sure when you love someone or care about someone you want to take good care of them and buy them nice things, and do not get me wrong, he has gotten me my fair share of things, he is very generous. So maybe that is why I went so far...
There are several possibilities as to why I want to be the greatest girlfriend this planet has ever seen. Maybe though, I should work on my behavior toward him (i.e. being jealous, moody, and grumpy on occassion when he's done nothing wrong) and stop trying to replace that with presents.

GAH!

-A